I remember the night I decided I needed to become a Fertility Educator. My husband and I had served with our parish marriage preparation program for seven years. Every chance I got with new couples, I would bring up the beauty of the Church's teaching of Natural Family Planning (NFP). After seven years, it became my husband who would begin this all-important topic with our couples. I would sit back and listen to him talk to the man about self-control, appreciating his wife’s body and the communion NFP brings to the marriage. I knew we were making a difference.
But one night, we had a specific couple: he was a medical student, attending our local medical school, and she was a NICU nurse. It was our last night with them, and as was our tradition, we were sharing a meal, and going over all the last-minute things. I asked them open-ended questions about the rest of the program, such as the Engaged Encounter retreat, and the Diocesan NFP class. He replied, “I wasn’t very impressed. NFP is not very scientific. Besides, my wife has a lot of problems with her cycles and we already have a child. We have decided we are going to just keep using the Pill.” The reaction on my face caused my husband to kick me under the table and he changed the subject quickly.
Once they left, I started on my rant, ‘What does he mean NFP isn’t scientific? What are they teaching at the diocese?” I was furious. I knew the beauty of NFP, I knew most Catholic couples were not being taught this gift, nor were they being supported by their clergy or parish to practice NFP. But most of all, I knew what it feels like to yearn for a child and have another woman simply disregard her gift of fertility as a commodity to be thrown in a drawer never to be looked at until it’s convenient for her. It saddened me that this couple was asking the Church to convalidate their legal marriage, and yet they were not open to listening to Holy Mother Church on this most important aspect of marriage.
I decided to attend a diocese NFP class and see if that was where the breakdown happened. I attended with 2 other couples. The instructor was a little put off as to why I was there since I had already been married for over 30 years. As I sat in that class that night, sadness came over me thinking about our lack of preparation. My husband and I were living together when we decided to get married and our pastor did not bring up this part of the marriage at all. I knew sex before marriage for some reason was wrong, and the Catholic Church did not support contraception. I was not brought up in a strong Catholic home. The only reason I learned about NFP and the Catholic Church's teaching was through a fellow army officer. I had been newly married and was excited to go see my husband whom I hadn’t seen in 2 months. One night on a shift in a field exercise, this lieutenant asked me a crazy question that I didn’t know how to answer about contraception and mortal sin. He promised me when we got back to base he would bring me a book. I felt weird talking about sex, and contraception to a co-worker, and a guy to boot! He brought me the book and told me to call his wife if I had any questions. I had only met his wife once so I never had the courage to reach out to her. My husband and I had never really talked about sex and marriage ... He knew I wanted a lot of children, and he knew I was using a diaphragm as protection.
It saddened me to think that we had not been properly prepared with a class like this. This class reminded me of the beauty and simplicity of Natural Family Planning. I was also sad that there were not very many couples in attendance. As I drove home, I just kept thinking, “If only there were more teachers, then this really could be taught to all couples.” By the time I got home, I was determined to become an instructor.
As I delved into the method I teach and attended conferences for medical professionals, I learned that there were two verbiages: Natural Family Planning (the Catholic term) and Fertility Awareness (the Medical term). I also learned more about hormones and the connection between them and the rest of a woman’s health. I began to see how all the puzzle pieces of my own health journey needed to fit.
- I wanted every woman, no matter what her religious background, to understand her cycle.
- I wanted women of all ages to understand her hormones and how all of this affects not only her physical health but her emotional and mental health as well.
- I wanted women to understand how their bodies are gifts and what we are saying when we practice hormonal birth control.
Now, as an instructor, I am able to equip young women to understand their cycles and what that means to their health. I am able to prepare couples for marriage in a way we were not. I am walking with couples who have been trying to conceive, and because of my own infertile story, I know their pain like no other instructor. I get to be the instructor and coach that I never had on my own fertility journey. Every single woman is so unique, so beautiful and every cycle is so unique, so beautiful! Every woman deserves this knowledge and a coach to show her how to use this information for her own benefit. I am thankful for my journey and now I am called to walk with others.
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