I have 5 living children and my youngest is a senior in high school. The pressure is on him to decide what college he will attend, what will he study, and the famous question, “What will you do?”
Back when I was choosing a college, all of those questions were also in my mind. I don’t know if it’s because of my sanguine temperament, my #2 Strength of Positivity, or the fact that being a military brat taught me to simply “go and you’ll figure it out when you get there”, but all these questions didn’t bother me until I moved into my dorm freshman year. I had gone to an all girls’ boarding school to finish high school and saw the benefit of women’s education, so I chose a prestigious all-women’s college to attend. It seemed they put most of the freshmen on the same floor and we became good friends.
I, however, felt like a duck out of water. Each of these girls already had their plan; pre-med, pre-law, politics, microbiology, and the list went on. Some of these things I didn’t even know what they entailed. I didn’t know if this was because many of my years of education were not in the United States and so, although I am an American during my formative years I didn’t know what being American meant. Or was it because my parents saw me as the 'happy-go-lucky’ girl that has no substance (think: LEGALLY BLONDE)? Or was it because all I heard was “Go be a teacher, it’s an easy profession to raise kids?” Bottom line: I had no idea what I was going to do!
There were so many options to choose from. I remember one day, walking back from a biology class which I loved, thinking to myself, “All I want to do is be a wife and a mother. What should I study for that?” Vocation was not a word in my vocabulary. And being at an all-women’s college that had an undertone of feminism, the message I received was, “You are more than that. Being a wife and a mother is so degrading.”
That was my internal dilemma. What am I going to do? But it really was a question we all ask ourselves: “Who am I?” Because of my life in Africa, and the opportunity the college had to “create your own major”, I decided I would create an African Studies program and prepare myself to go back to Africa. I looked at the curriculum, chose courses that would fit this idea, and presented it to my advisor. She liked the idea and now I had a plan.
At least until my parents came home from being overseas and told me I needed to transfer to Florida State University. My all women’s college attendance was less than my year group at FSU. I was going to be overwhelmed and just a number. And there was no way I could create African studies there. So now I am back to square one.
But God always has a better plan! One of the military professors encouraged me to look into nursing school and get a scholarship from ROTC. I knew nursing wasn’t my passion, but getting an ROTC scholarship seemed like a great idea. You see, not only was it my goal to be a wife and a mother, but I wanted to be a military wife. It made sense; my dad was in the army, both my brothers went to West Point, and both my sisters married officers. And going into ROTC would give me an understanding of the army so I wouldn’t be “a dumb army wife” as my brother called the wives who didn’t know anything about what their husbands did.
Little did I know I loved ROTC. My choleric temperament came out and I rose to the challenge of doing the hard things, even going to Airborne School and jumping out of airplanes! I had the scholarship, I had a job after college, life was good. My nagging desire to be a wife and mother was still there but suppressed.
I graduated, was commissioned, sent to officer Basic School, and then to Germany. Then I met my husband and we were married 8 months later. 3 weeks after our one-year anniversary I gave birth to our first daughter. But I was still in the army, and putting on boots every day, and leaving my daughter for 12 hours a day wasn’t what I wanted. After 8 months, my husband agreed that I would get out and be a stay-at-home mom.
None of my college education prepared me for that. And it was only 3 years later, on a Marriage Encounter retreat did I ever hear the words, “Marriage is your path to heaven.” I knew marriage was sacred and special. Because of our circumstances, I chose a small wedding without the modern-day fanfare because I knew I wanted to be married, and that my wedding day was just that - just a day. But as a young 23-year-old, I did not know what marriage was, or how to prepare for it.
25 years later, our parish priest asked my husband and me to help with the marriage preparation ministry. This was at a time in our lives when we were coming out of the lowest point of our marriage. We had almost separated if it had not been for the absolute grace of God. Our pastor assured us we were the right people to help engaged couples.
For seven years we were humbled and blessed to walk with many engaged couples, reminding them how beautiful marriage is with its ups and downs. Sharing with them the graces of the Sacrament.
Later, I studied to become a Natural Family Planning instructor and worked at a pregnancy center. Because of our own journey with fertility and infertility, studying what the Church teaches and how important this aspect is to marriage has become my passion.
When I decided to begin my own business, my business coach, Lisa Canning, asked me, “What keeps you up at night?” Of course, I went on a rant about contraception and the harm it does to a woman’s body. Fertility was my answer. A woman’s cycle was my answer.
But as I have worked on my website, looked into my strengths, my temperaments, my spiritual gifts, and most of all my own vocation, I have come to realize it’s MARRIAGE.
What should I do? I remind others who are already married of the gift of the marital act, the beauty of children, and the power of birthing and breastfeeding. I prepare Catholic engaged couples to begin to understand what the world is not saying: Marriage is good for your soul. Marriage is a sign of God’s faithful love. Marriage is what will make you a saint. Marriage is the great adventure God is calling you to fulfill.
St. Pope John Paul II canonized more saints during his pontificate than any other pope. He also canonized many married couples. He knew the fullness of the Truth about marriage. He knew the beauty of the male and female bodies; the mystery of the two becoming one. My husband and I attend a parish named after this magnificent saint, and we will be celebrating 36 years of marriage in October. We are not the young 23 and 26 year old's on our wedding day. Our love has grown deeper, richer, and more vulnerable. Our children are almost all out of the house.
What should I do? I show the world, with my husband, Steve, a love that is free, faithful, fruitful and total. I am a witness and mentor of the Sacrament of Marriage.
If you desire to learn more about what you could do or how your marriage is a gift, you can contact me at: jane@wisdomwellnesscoaching.net or book a free consultation
here.