By Mama Vicki
If you're a new mom and you've found yourself sitting on the couch in tears, wondering, "Why is breastfeeding so hard?" I want you to know something before you read another word:
You are not failing.
I've walked alongside hundreds of breastfeeding mothers over the years, and I've noticed something heartbreaking. Nearly every first-time mom believes she's the only one struggling.
She thinks everyone else has figured it out.
She assumes everyone else's baby latches perfectly, sleeps peacefully, gains weight effortlessly, and nurses without tears or frustration.
But that's simply not true.
Recently on the
Cycles & Sanctity podcast, I sat down with my daughter-in-law, Kelise, a first-time mom whose son is now six months old. Listening to her describe her breastfeeding journey reminded me of so many mothers I've served through the years. Her story isn't unusual.
It's beautifully honest.
And I think that's exactly what new moms need to hear.
Nobody Told You About the Learning Curve of Breastfeeding
One of the first things Kelise shared surprised me—not because it was uncommon, but because she said out loud what so many mothers quietly think.
She expected breastfeeding to be easy.
Instead, she discovered one of the steepest learning curves of motherhood.
It wasn't the pain that caught her off guard.
It was the pressure.
The pressure to make enough milk.
The pressure to know whether her baby was getting enough to eat.
The pressure to watch every diaper, every ounce gained, every feeding, every nap.
The pressure to feel responsible for another little human being twenty-four hours a day.
That pressure can feel overwhelming.
No one hands you your baby and says,
"By the way...this little person depends on you for everything."
You discover that one feeding at a time.
And that's enough to make any mother question herself.
The Hardest Part Isn't Always What You Think
When people hear the word breastfeeding, they usually think of sore nipples or latch problems.
Those things certainly happen.
But after years of working with moms, I've learned something.
Most women don't quit because of pain.
They quit because of exhaustion.
Because of loneliness.
Because of the constant demand.
Kelise described it perfectly.
Some days her son wanted to nurse for nearly an hour.
By the time one feeding finished, it felt like another one was beginning.
She couldn't imagine grocery shopping.
Running errands felt impossible.
She wondered if she'd ever have her life back.
If you've ever felt that way, you're in very good company.
That's not weakness.
That's motherhood.
Confidence Doesn't Come Before Breastfeeding
This may be my favorite lesson from our conversation.
Kelise said something incredibly simple.
"The confidence really only came from experience."
I couldn't agree more.
We often think confidence comes first.
It doesn't.
Confidence comes after we've done the hard thing.
We say this all the time on our podcast:
Confidence comes in the doing.
You don't become confident before labor.
You become confident because you've gone through labor.
You don't become confident before motherhood.
You become confident because you've mothered.
The same is true of breastfeeding.
Every feeding teaches you something.
Every difficult day grows your endurance.
Every obstacle helps you trust your body just a little more.
That's how confidence is built—not overnight, but one faithful day at a time.
Every Baby Is Different
One of the biggest mistakes we make is comparing our baby to someone else's.
Some babies nurse for five minutes.
Others seem attached to the breast all day.
Some sleep for long stretches.
Others wake every couple of hours.
That doesn't automatically mean something is wrong.
Babies are wonderfully unique.
As your baby grows, breastfeeding changes too.
Around six months, babies begin exploring solid foods.
Feedings become different.
Sleep changes.
Their curiosity grows.
Little by little, both you and your baby become more confident together.
That's the beauty of the breastfeeding journey.
You don't have to master the whole year today.
You only have to feed your baby today.
Motherhood Was Never Meant to Be a Lonely Journey
This part of our conversation touched my heart the most.
When I asked Kelise what helped her continue breastfeeding, her answer wasn't a new nursing pillow or another gadget.
She said she needed support.
Physical support.
Someone to hold the baby.
Someone to help during the night.
Someone to wash dishes.
Someone to simply be there.
I couldn't agree more.
Somewhere along the way, we've convinced ourselves that asking for help means we're failing.
It doesn't.
God never designed motherhood to be lived in isolation.
Throughout history, women raised children together.
Grandmothers.
Neighbors.
Aunts.
Friends.
The wise women of the village.
Today, many young mothers are trying to carry the entire weight of motherhood alone.
No wonder they're exhausted.
If you're an older mom reading this, I want to challenge you.
Look around your parish.
Who just had a baby?
Who could use a hot meal?
Who needs someone to fold laundry while she nurses?
Sometimes the greatest gift isn't advice.
It's showing up.
And if you're the young mom?
Please let someone help.
That isn't weakness.
It's humility.
And sometimes humility is exactly what allows healing to happen.
You Are Doing Better Than You Think
If no one has told you lately, let me tell you.
You're doing holy work.
Every feeding.
Every middle-of-the-night wake-up.
Every diaper.
Every sacrifice.
Every tear.
God sees it all.
Motherhood isn't measured by perfection.
It's measured by faithful love.
Some days that love looks beautiful.
Some days it looks messy.
Both are holy.
And if you're in the thick of those early weeks wondering whether you can keep going, I want you to hear this from another mama who's walked beside hundreds of women:
Yes, you can.
One feeding.
One prayer.
One day at a time.
Need Breastfeeding Support?
You don't have to figure this out alone.
If you're pregnant, newly postpartum, or struggling with breastfeeding, I'd love to walk alongside you. Sometimes one conversation can make all the difference between feeling overwhelmed and feeling hopeful.
I also created a free guide: "Early Days Breastfeeding Tips Every New Mom Should Know."
It will help you navigate those first weeks with practical encouragement, realistic expectations, and simple strategies to help you and your baby get off to a confident start.
Download your free guide, and if you'd like personal breastfeeding support,
reach out to me. I'd be honored to encourage you on your journey.
Because motherhood was never meant to be a lonely walk.
And neither is breastfeeding.