Weaning is one of those words that carries so many emotions for mothers. For some, it feels like freedom is just around the corner. For others, it feels like heartbreak, as if an intimate season of connection is coming to a close. And for most of us, it’s both.
I want to reassure you, mama: there is no “right” or “wrong” way to walk through this season. Weaning is a process, not a single moment, and like everything in motherhood, it’s a journey filled with trial, error, and above all, grace.
What Weaning Really Means
Most people think “weaning” means the very last time your child nurses.
But really, the process begins the very first time your baby consumes something other than breast milk.
That might be a bottle of formula, a pacifier used for comfort, or the first spoonful of pureed banana. From that moment, your breastfeeding journey has technically begun its gradual transition.
That doesn’t mean it’s negative or wrong—it’s just reality.
Breastfeeding and weaning exist on a spectrum. The relationship between you and your baby is evolving all the time, and weaning is simply part of that natural growth.
The Questions Everyone Asks
If you’ve breastfed for even a little while, you know how quickly the questions come: “When are you going to wean?”
Sometimes you’ve barely gotten a good latch before someone asks when you’re going to stop! It can feel like everyone around you has an opinion about how long is “long enough.”
Here’s what I want you to hear loud and clear:
The timeline is not theirs to decide.
Breastfeeding should continue as long as it remains beneficial for both mom and baby.
That’s right—it’s a relationship, and relationships are healthiest when both people thrive.
Two Paths: Mother-Led and Child-Led Weaning
There are generally two approaches to weaning, though in reality most families fall somewhere in between.
1. Child-Led Weaning
Research shows that if babies were left to decide, most would naturally wean between two and four years old.
Some may be ready earlier, others later.
Worldwide, child-led weaning is common, and many cultures see it as the most natural approach.
Child-led weaning is gradual.
It often looks like missed feedings here and there—first the mid-morning session disappears, then the nap-time nursing, and eventually bedtime. You might not even remember the very last time your child nursed, because the process felt so seamless.
That’s the beauty of letting your baby set the pace.
It’s important to remember: extended breastfeeding does not create clingy or dependent children.
In fact, the opposite is true. Nursing into toddlerhood builds trust and emotional stability. It gives your child a secure foundation from which independence naturally blooms.
2. Mother-Led Weaning
Sometimes, the decision to wean rests with the mother.
Maybe you’re preparing for another pregnancy.
Maybe you’re feeling “touched out” and emotionally exhausted.
Maybe your body just needs a break.
If that’s where you are, hear me: your reasons are valid.
You are not selfish for deciding it’s time.
Weaning is not only about your baby’s needs but also about your own well-being.
The key is to go slowly.
Abrupt weaning can be traumatic for both mother and child.
It often leads to engorgement, discomfort, and confusion.
Instead, start by dropping one feeding at a time. Replace nursing with another soothing routine—story time, a walk outside, a special cuddle with dad, or a bedtime bath. Just as it took time to build up your supply, it takes time for your body and your baby to adjust to nursing less.
The Emotional Side of Weaning
No matter which path you take, weaning stirs up emotions.
Babies don’t like to give up something that feels safe and comforting, and mothers don’t always feel ready to let go of the closeness. It’s normal to feel resistance on both sides.
I remember tandem nursing two of my children, and while it was physically exhausting, I knew in my heart it was what they needed at the time.
Other times, I found myself longing for a break, wishing I could just sit without a baby attached to me. Those feelings don’t make you a bad mom. They make you human.
It’s also important to avoid big transitions during stressful times—holidays, moves, or the arrival of a new sibling. If possible, plan gradual weaning during calmer seasons when life feels more stable.
The Spiritual Perspective
Weaning, like so many milestones in motherhood, mirrors our spiritual life.
It’s about learning to let go little by little, trusting God with what comes next.
Blessed Bruno Lanteri, the founder of the Oblates of the Virgin Mary, wrote a beautiful prayer that ends with the words “Nunc coepi”—Now I begin.
He encouraged Christians to start again, even if they fail a thousand times.
Weaning often feels like that.
One day you think you’re moving forward, and the next your toddler is back at the breast because life got overwhelming. That’s okay. Begin again.
God’s mercies are new every morning, and He gives special grace for young mothers navigating these tender years.
The Practical Side
Here are a few practical things I’ve learned:
1. Go gradually.
Drop one feeding at a time, and give your body and your baby time to adjust.
2. Replace nursing with connection.
Snuggles, songs, walks, or daddy-time help ease the transition.
3. Expect resistance.
Babies don’t understand why their favorite comfort is disappearing. Be gentle and patient.
4. Lean on community.
Surround yourself with moms who get it. Having someone to talk with makes all the difference.
5. Keep your faith close.
Nursing can feel like a pause button in your day. Use that time for prayer, Scripture, or simply inviting the Lord into your fatigue.
Stories of Weaning
On this week's episode of our
podcast, Mama Jane shared a favorite memory from a conversation with a friend by the pool. They both had toddlers, and she was debating if it was time to wean. Her friend wasn’t sure either.
A few weeks later they met again at a La Leche League meeting, and her friend told her that her daughter had naturally stopped. Meanwhile,
Mama Jane realized her child wasn’t ready, and so they kept going. The moms laughed about how they had swapped places!
That’s how it often goes.
Each mother-baby pair is unique. What feels right for one family won’t necessarily feel right for another.
Beyond Breastfeeding: Building a Foundation
Weaning doesn’t end the bond between you and your child—it simply transforms it.
Breastfeeding is one way of meeting needs, but as your baby grows, you’ll discover countless other ways to nurture, comfort, and guide.
The security built through breastfeeding carries into the toddler years and beyond. Nursing teaches children that their needs will be met, and that trust is the foundation for emotional health.
Extended breastfeeding supports emotional regulation, immunity, and resilience.
So when the time does come to let go of nursing, know that you’ve already given your child a gift that lasts far beyond the breast.
A Final Encouragement
Mamas, whether you’re just beginning to think about weaning, are in the middle of the process, or have already said your last goodbye to breastfeeding, remember this: you are not alone.
There will be easy days and hard days, moments of joy and moments of tears.
On the hard days, let Blessed Bruno’s words echo in your heart: “If I should fail, even if it were a thousand times, I will not be troubled. I will not lose courage. But say immediately and with peace, Nunc coepi—Now I begin.”
Motherhood is a long journey of beginnings. Weaning is just one of them. Take it step by step, with gentleness for your baby and for yourself, and trust that God will give you the grace you need in every season.
P.S. Let me know what other breastfeeding concerns you have in the comments below!