We’ve all had moments where something small goes wrong in our day, and suddenly we’re spiraling inside.
Maybe it’s a forgotten appointment, a misplaced item, or a loved one speaking in a frustrated tone.
For many Catholic women—especially those over 50—these small events awaken a bigger, deeper wound. The thought comes quickly and forcefully:
“I did something wrong.”
It’s an easy thought to believe, especially if you’ve carried it since childhood. But in my work as a Catholic coach, I’ve seen how this single thought can silently shape how a woman feels about herself, her relationships, and even her relationship with God.
The good news? It doesn’t have to stay that way.
Why Catholic Coaching Matters
Catholic coaching is different from other kinds of personal development work because it doesn’t just focus on mental or emotional health—it brings the whole person into the conversation: mind, body, and soul with Christ.
We work within the truth that God created us for freedom, joy, and love.
But we also recognize that because of original sin and our lived experiences, we can carry lies, wounds, and unhelpful patterns for decades without realizing it.
For women over 50, this is especially important.
At this stage of life, you’ve likely spent years giving of yourself to your family, your parish, and your community. You’ve weathered both big storms and small daily frustrations.
You’ve adapted, sacrificed, and endured. But somewhere along the way, certain emotional habits—like “I did something wrong”—can become so automatic that you don’t even question them. They just feel true.
Catholic coaching provides a safe space to bring these thoughts into the light of Christ. Together, we name them, examine them, and invite God to speak His truth into them.
A New Example: The Missing Grocery Item
Recently, in a coaching session, a client shared a scenario many women can relate to.
She and her husband had just returned home from running errands. As they began unpacking groceries, her husband asked, “Where’s the coffee?” She froze. She clearly remembered writing “coffee” on the list. She remembered walking down the coffee aisle. But as she glanced over the bags spread out on the counter, it wasn’t there.
Her husband’s tone turned sharp, more frustrated at the situation than at her directly: “We needed coffee for tomorrow morning. How could we forget that?”
The truth was—she hadn’t forgotten.
The store had been out of their usual brand.
She had checked the shelves twice, hoping to find even a single bag tucked behind another product.
She even looked for a substitute, but every other option was marked out of stock.
Still, in that moment, she didn’t think, The store was out. She didn’t think, It wasn’t in my control.
She thought: “I did something wrong.”
And the self hatred, beating herself up began. She told me all night long she kept telling herself how dumb she was. And accused herself with "I did something wrong."
The Power of Understanding Our Emotions
During our coaching session, we talked through the situation, we laid out the facts:
She wrote the coffee on the grocery list.
She went to the correct aisle and looked for it.
The store was out of stock.
She could not physically make the coffee appear on the shelf.
The frustration her husband expressed was about not having coffee, not about her worth as a person.
She had done everything she could, and yet the feeling in her body was the same as if she had truly forgotten or failed.
That’s the moment where understanding our emotions is essential.
Emotions themselves are not sinful—they are signals.
They alert us to what’s going on in our minds and hearts.
But if we don’t slow down to examine them, we can end up living according to false messages.
When my client heard frustration in her husband’s voice, her body registered it as danger—just like it had when she was a child.
She quickly internalized it, shut down, and began silently accusing herself: "You messed up. You should have done better."
Where “I Did Something Wrong” Comes From
For many women—especially those with a peaceful, phlegmatic temperament—the default in tense situations is to retreat inward.
As children, this retreat might have been a survival skill—a way to stay safe in a household where big emotions felt overwhelming.
Over time, that “shutting down” becomes automatic.
In adulthood, this can lead to:
Taking responsibility for other people’s emotions.
Feeling shame or unworthiness over small mistakes (or imagined ones).
Avoiding conflict, even at the expense of our own voice.
In this coffee scenario, her mind linked her husband’s frustration to a deep-seated belief: If someone is upset, I must be at fault.
That belief is a lie—and in Catholic coaching, we name it as such. Scripture tells us Satan is “the father of lies” (John 8:44). His goal is to make us doubt our goodness, our worth, and God’s love.
Inviting God Into the Healing
The first step in breaking free is replacing the lie with truth.
I invited my client to imagine this situation like a court case.
If a defense lawyer laid out the evidence, there would be no case against her:
Verdict? Not guilty.
This shift opened the door to deeper healing.
In prayer, she pictured Jesus walking into her kitchen, smiling warmly, and saying, “You did everything right. This is not your fault. You are my beloved daughter.”
We then walked through a spiritual process:
Repent – Rejecting the lie that she did something wrong and repenting for agreeing with shame and unworthiness.
Forgive – Forgiving herself and those who taught her to beat herself up.
Renounce – Naming and rejecting the spirits of shame, unworthiness, and self-condemnation.
Receive – Asking Jesus to replace those lies with His truth, His hope, and His love.
This is not “positive thinking”—it’s actively participating in God’s healing work.
Why This Matters for Women Over 50
At this stage in life, many Catholic women are navigating transitions:
Adult children moving out.
Caring for aging parents.
Facing health challenges.
Redefining their purpose.
These seasons can stir up old emotional habits.
Without realizing it, you may interpret everyday frustrations—like the missing coffee—as personal failure.
You might take responsibility for outcomes beyond your control and carry guilt for not meeting impossible expectations.
Catholic coaching helps by:
Identifying the hidden lies fueling your reactions.
Bringing God’s truth into specific memories and patterns.
Teaching you new ways to respond—rooted in peace and confidence rather than shame.
For example:
Lie: “I’m failing my family.”
Truth: “I’m showing up in love, and God is working through me.”
Lie: “I should have done more.”
Truth: “I did what I could, and God fills the gaps.”
Lie: “I did something wrong.”
Truth: “I acted with integrity. I did everything right.”
Moving Forward: Practicing the New Thought
Replacing “I did something wrong” with “I did everything right” takes practice—like retraining a muscle that’s been moving in the wrong direction for decades.
One of the tools I encourage my clients to use is their imagination. The imagination is a faculty of the soul. It is creating the "image" correctly.
I invited my client to imagine in a future situation over those next few weeks—her husband is upset about something missing from the store again—and instead of collapsing into shame, I invite her to take a deep breath, recall the truth, and calmly say: "I looked. It wasn’t there."
Over time, her nervous system learns that this is safe, and her brain begins to default to truth instead of self-condemnation.
A Final Word to My Sisters in Christ
If you’re a Catholic woman over 50 and you find yourself defaulting to “I did something wrong,” I want you to hear this clearly:
You are not alone.
You are not broken beyond repair.
You are not at the mercy of old patterns.
God is inviting you into greater freedom. The very thought that has weighed you down can become the doorway into deeper intimacy with Him.
Through Catholic coaching, you can uncover these hidden lies, invite Christ into them, and receive His healing love.
It is holy work to tend to your mind and heart in this way. As St. Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 10:5, we are called to “take every thought captive to obey Christ.”
That means noticing when a thought doesn’t line up with His truth—and choosing not to agree with it.
The next time you catch yourself thinking, “I did something wrong,” -pause. Ask: Is this thought from God? Or is it a lie I’ve believed for too long?
Then imagine your loving Savior looking you in the eye and saying: “You are my beloved daughter. You did everything right.”
That truth is worth living for.