Have you ever found yourself striving so hard to “do everything right” that you forget who you really are?
If I’m being honest, I’ve spent a good portion of my life caught between two powerful traps—perfectionism and people-pleasing. Both promised peace. Both left me exhausted. And neither brought me closer to the truth of who God says I am: His beloved daughter.
As I sat with Mama Vicki recording this week’s episode of
Cycles and Sanctity, I felt the Holy Spirit whispering a reminder to my heart: “Jane, I sing joyfully because of you.”
That line from Zephaniah 3:17 always stops me in my tracks:
“The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty Savior. He will rejoice over you with gladness and renew you in His love; He will sing joyfully because of you.”
The Creator of the universe—the One who flung stars into the sky—sings because of you and me. Not because of what we’ve done, but because of who we are.
That’s hard to grasp, isn’t it? We’re so used to earning love, measuring up, performing, or fixing. But God doesn’t love us for what we do. He loves us because we belong to Him.
The Saint Who Balanced It All
This week we reflected on
Saint Frances of Rome, a woman who embodied what it means to live as God’s beloved amid everyday life. She was a wife, a mother, and the founder of a religious community. She didn’t abandon her family for holiness—she found holiness in the middle of it all.
Her life reminds me that holiness isn’t perfection or busyness. It’s faithfulness.
Saint Frances of Rome lived out her calling by loving God first and letting that love overflow into her family and community.
She shows us that identity comes before activity.
When we forget that truth, we start striving, comparing, and believing the lie that we must “do it all” to be worthy.
When Perfectionism Becomes a Prison
I’ve seen perfectionism creep into so many women’s lives—including my own. It can disguise itself as “striving for excellence,” but it’s really a fear of failure wrapped in pretty paper.
Perfectionism whispers, “If I can just do everything right, then I’ll be safe. Then I’ll be loved. Then I’ll be enough.”
But perfectionism is a lie because perfection isn’t possible on this side of heaven.
We can seek growth, virtue, and improvement—but the drive to be flawless always leads to frustration and pride.
I’ve coached women who tell me, “I can’t start until I get it right.”
Whether it’s a new habit, a conversation, or a step in faith, they stay frozen because they want to be perfect before they begin.
But you can’t become a good cyclist without falling off the bike a few times.
The truth is: you will never feel “ready.” God asks us to begin anyway—to take the step, to trust, to surrender.
When I recognize perfectionism rising up in my own life, I pause and ask,
“Lord, am I doing this out of love for You—or out of fear of not being enough?”
That single question has brought so much clarity and peace. Because God never calls us to perform for His approval; He calls us to rest in His presence.
The People -Pleasing Trap
If perfectionism is about proving yourself, people-pleasing is about earning love.
I used to say “yes” to everything.
I wanted to be the reliable one, the dependable one, the woman others could count on. But deep down, I realized my “yeses” weren’t always rooted in love—they were rooted in fear.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of being misunderstood.
Fear of not being seen as good.
It wasn’t until I brought this to prayer that the Holy Spirit revealed something deeper: my desire for recognition wasn’t vanity—it was vainglory.
Vainglory is that subtle sin of craving praise, applause, or affirmation from others instead of seeking it from God.
It’s sneaky because it can look virtuous.
But it robs us of freedom.
I remember praying, “Lord, am I vain?” And He gently said, “No, you’re hungry to be seen. But let Me be the One who sees you.”
That was a turning point. I realized I was looking for my worth in the applause of others, not in the eyes of my Father.
The Wounds Behind Our Striving
So many of us learn conditional love early. Somewhere along the way, we picked up the belief that “If I do X, Y, and Z, then I’ll be loved.”
But God’s love isn’t conditional.
His love is steadfast.
He rejoices over you even when you’re not performing
And Mama Vicki shared how for years she thought she had to earn His affection. She would walk into Mass feeling like she was “in trouble,” like God was disappointed in her. She now knows that was a lie from the enemy.
The truth is, when you walk into church, the Father runs toward you. You’re not in trouble—you’re home.
That realization changed how Mama Vicki now approaches prayer, confession, and worship. Instead of striving for perfection, she seeks presence. And instead of people-pleasing, I seek peace too.
Finding True Peace
Peace isn’t the absence of problems.
It’s the presence of God in the middle of them.
When Scripture says, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to people of good will,” it’s not describing a fragile calm that depends on circumstances. It’s describing a soul aligned with God’s heart—a peace that flows like a river.
A few weeks ago, one of my longtime clients texted me, “Jane, I feel peace today."
I could have cried.
I knew how far she had come—from anxiety, striving, and self-doubt to peace rooted in God’s love.
It wasn’t overnight.
It was years of healing, prayer, and perseverance. But peace came.
And that’s what we want for every woman reading this—to know that peace isn’t a prize for the perfect. It’s a promise for the beloved.
Surrender and Trust
Sometimes, the healing God offers looks different than we expect.
I think about the story of the ten lepers in the Gospel.
Jesus told them to show themselves to the priests, and as they went, they were healed. Not before. Not after. As they went.
So often we pray for healing or clarity, expecting it to come immediately.
But God invites us to trust Him.
“O Jesus, I surrender myself to You. Take care of everything.”
It’s not a to-do list. It’s a letting go.
I remind myself often that surrender is not giving up—it’s giving to God. It’s placing every expectation, every “should,” every plan into His hands and saying, “You lead.”
Living as God’s Beloved
When we let go of perfectionism and people-pleasing, we make space for grace.
We stop asking, “What do they think of me?” and start asking, “What does God desire for me?”
We move from striving to surrender, from fear to freedom.
That’s why I’m so excited for our
BECOME Master Class. It’s an eight-week journey designed to help women rediscover who they are, how God created them, and how to live from that truth.
We’ll explore how your temperament, gifts, and natural tendencies all reflect God’s intentional design. Because just like plants, some of us need direct sunlight and some thrive in the shade. God knows exactly what you need to flourish.
A Journaling Invitation
If you’re ready to start living as God’s beloved, here are two questions to sit with this week.
Take them to prayer, to Adoration, or simply to your quiet corner with a journal.
How would my life feel different if I truly believed I am God’s beloved daughter?
What expectations are weighing me down the most—my own, others’, or the world’s?
You don’t need to have perfect answers. Just begin the conversation. Let God reveal the truth in His timing.
A Closing Prayer
Lord Jesus, Thank You for calling us beloved—not because of what we do, but because of who we are in You. Teach us to rest in Your love, to release the burdens of perfectionism and people-pleasing and to live in the freedom of being Your daughters . Like Saint Frances of Rome, may we balance our responsibilities with grace and find holiness in the ordinary. Renew our hearts with Your peace and remind us that we are Yours. Amen.
Sister, you don’t have to earn love. You don’t have to prove your worth. You don’t have to be perfect.
You are God’s beloved.
And when you live from that truth, everything changes—your peace, your purpose, your relationships, your joy.
So let go of the expectations. Step into the truth. And let the Lord sing joyfully because of you.