Let me begin with this: if you're walking the painful path of loving someone who struggles with addiction, I want you to know—you are not alone.
This isn't a topic I ever thought I would speak publicly about. For years, I kept it behind closed doors, tucked into whispered confessions, hidden beneath smiles at the parish potluck. But when we keep these stories locked away, the enemy gets louder. He isolates us with shame. He tells us no one will understand. He makes us think we're the only ones carrying this heavy, complicated cross.
But here's the truth: addiction is real. It's in the pews. It’s in the marriages that look picture-perfect on the outside. And it’s in the heart of my own story.
I've been married for 15 years. I love my husband deeply. And he struggles with addiction.
There, I said it. And saying it doesn't mean I’ve given up, or that I’m airing dirty laundry. It means I’m standing in the light. Because healing can't happen in hiding.
We were blessed to have Michele Simpson on our podcast
Cycles and Sanctity to discuss how we can walk with our spouses who have addictions.
The Turning Point: Coaching Changed Everything
Michele tried many things over the years—Al-Anon meetings, spiritual direction, books, crying out in prayer. Some helped, some didn’t. But there came a time when she realized that something deeper needed to shift, and it wasn’t just about him getting sober.
It was about her thoughts. her patterns. Her mindset.
I understood what she was saying because Catholic coaching was the game-changer for me. It helped me understand something that I had heard before but never believed deep in my bones: I am a beloved daughter of God.
Let that sink in for a moment.
I am a beloved daughter of God.
And so is my husband.
That revelation—when it finally dropped from my head into my heart—began to change everything. Because when I stopped seeing him only through the lens of addiction and started seeing him through the eyes of our Merciful Father, something inside me softened. That love, that divine love, started flowing through me. I began to treat him with a tenderness that I hadn’t known I was still capable of.
And no, that doesn’t mean I started enabling him. Loving someone with addiction is not the same as excusing harmful behavior. But Catholic coaching is teaching me how to live out Christ-like love: truth with compassion, boundaries with mercy, prayer with purpose.
It’s Still Messy—and That’s Okay
For me, as a woman who walks with a spouse with addiction, it was refreshing to listen to Michele and her own journey. Here are a few things that I keep going back to from our conversation:
Michele humbly told us she would be lying if she told us everything magically got better. It didn’t. Her husband is not currently drinking, but he still struggles. She still struggles. They have good days and hard days, and sometimes she still falls into despair.
But the difference now is that she have tools. She has a community. She has a support system. And most importantly—She has HOPE.
One thing she reminds herself often is what the priest once told her in the confessional: “It will happen in God’s time.” That phrase used to frustrate her. “God’s time” felt so far away. But now she clings to it like a promise. Because it reminds her that she is not in control, and that’s okay. And I too am reminded that God sees the whole picture. He’s not afraid of our mess. He doesn’t run from the cross. He steps into it with us.
A Shift in Perspective
One of the most transformative moments in my journey was when I realized just how hard sobriety is for my husband. I used to think, Why can’t he just stop? Just choose differently! But I never took time to consider the intense internal battle he was fighting every single day.
When I finally saw his struggle—not as a moral failing but as a disease—it changed everything.
And here’s the irony: I was so busy trying to fix him, but I hadn’t even looked at my own heart.
I had to face the hard truth that my reactions, my catastrophizing, my silent treatments and emotional meltdowns were contributing to the chaos. It wasn’t all on him.
I had to grieve the damage done—to him, to me, and to our kids. I had to accept that my children will need healing, too. That hurts. Deeply. As a mom, it’s the hardest part—realizing your love wasn’t enough to shield them from pain.
But I also believe this: it’s never too late to be a cycle breaker. When we start to heal, the ripple effects touch generations.
Catholic Coaching is a Lifeline
This is why we coach. Because we want to be a Simon of Cyrene for other women. We may not be able to take away your cross, but we can help you carry it.
Michele knows what it feels like to cry in the car, to sleep on the couch so you don’t have to face the tension in the bedroom. She knows what it’s like to fake a smile at the parish picnic while your world is quietly falling apart.
And I know the crushing guilt of wondering what your kids will need therapy for later.
But we also know the freedom that comes from transforming instead of transmitting pain. We know what it’s like to live in alignment with the truth of who God says I am.
Coaching helped me learn that my emotions are not enemies. Michele used to stuff them down. I have acted on every single one like a wrecking ball. Now, I know how to sit with my emotions. I’ve learned that a feeling, fully felt, lasts about 90 seconds. Sometimes, I even set a timer. Just breathe. Just feel. It will pass.
And then I return to my anchor: I am safe. God is with me. I can choose peace.
A Word to the Woman Who’s Still in Survival Mode
If you are in the thick of it—if you’re hiding bottles, hiding tears, hiding your truth—please hear me.
You don’t have to walk this road alone.
There is hope. There is healing. And there are women like me and
Michelle Simpson who get it. Who won’t judge. Who will hold your hand, help you rebuild your mind, and remind you that God is not done writing your story.
Michelle is launching a powerful book study on Prodependence this summer, and I cannot recommend her enough. Her story is real, raw, and redemptive. Her website is stmonicasway.com, and if your heart is stirring, I urge you to reach out.
Final Thoughts: It’s a Walk of Love
Both Michel and I have chosen to stay. And we have chosen it not out of fear, not out of duty, but out of a deep, prayerful conviction. Love is messy. Love is hard. But love is also holy.
Marriage is a sacrament. And in sickness and in health, I said yes. And I keep saying yes, with God’s grace, every day.
Not because it’s easy. But because He is with us in it.
You’re not alone, sister.
There is grace here. There is strength here. There is healing here.
Let’s walk it together.